God’s Love Language: Gifts

I'm continuing in the series "God's Love Languages to Us."

When I think of a gift I imagine a present: a beautifully wrapped package which contains something special given to me by the giver, usually as an expression of appreciation or love. The dictionary defines a gift as something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance.

God speaks the love language of gift-giving fluently. The Bible says that “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights…” (James 1:17). What does James mean when he says “perfect gift?” I would say it is ‘the bounty of God.’ God is the superb Giver and his gifts are perfect. The word “perfect” is the Greek word teleios, which means “mature, fully developed.” These gifts, James says, are the very best, complete and without defect—undoubtedly full of blessing. They reach their intended objective.

One of the enemy’s strategies is to convince us that our Father is holding out on us, as with Eve in the Garden of Eden. Since God is good we can rest assure we don’t need any other person or thing to meet our needs. Warren Wiersbe said, “It is better to be hungry in the will of God, than full outside the will of God.” Everything good in this world comes from God. If something is not good, it didn’t come from God. Think about this: Paul’s thorn in the flesh was given to him by God. That’s a strange and unwanted gift, yet it became a great blessing to him (2 Cor. 12:1-10).
God’s gifts are perfect. Satan may present you with a beautifully wrapped present, but when we unwrap and accept it we end up paying the price dearly. God gives us many gifts. What we do with them is our responsibility.

Throughout the Scriptures God reveals himself as the ultimate gift giver. He said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground--everything that has the breath of life in it--I give every green plant for food." And it was so. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good” (Gen. 1:29-31). The rising and the setting of the sun, rain showers and thunderstorms, the flowers and grandiose trees, the birds, turtles and ducks, dogs and kitties, the seasons—are all God’s gift to us. God provides for his creatures every day.
Not only does he give his creatures everything they need to survive and thrive, but he gives them the free gift of grace and salvation. His greatest gift was his Son.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son…” (John 3:16; Eph. 5:1-2). Scripture paints an image of a loving and giving God:

• God gave his children, ancient Israel, the guidelines to a meaningful and fruitful life. They reciprocated their love when they followed his ways. He, in turn, showered them with gifts of love.
• Hebrew history records that God gave much to King Solomon (1 Kings 3:7-13).
• The teachings of Jesus were permeated with the concept that God’s desire is to give his children who love him good gifts (John 16: 16, 20).
• James and John describe God as a great gift giver (James 1:17; 1 John 3:1-2).
Undeniably, God expresses his love by giving gifts. One of those gifts are material things such as food, shelter, and clothing. Besides the necessities for survival, gifts God gives his children are:
• Time: I am responsible for the time God entrusts to me. Having down-time is important to our overall health, but I also must ask myself [and ask God to show me] if I’m wasting precious time.
• Money: The question is not how much of my money I give to God, but rather how much of God’s money I keep for myself.
• Possessions: I have to constantly keep myself in check when it comes to my clothes and shoes. I have to ask myself if I’m being a hoarder! The answer is often yes. In those cases I feel compelled to donate the possessions I really do not use that often. [I still have a long way to go!] I know my husband feels the same way about his “man-stuff”—tools, equipment, etc.
• Spiritual: Many of God’s gifts are spiritual—the gift of eternal life, the forgiveness of our sins, grace, peace of mind, joy, and a purpose in life.
• Spiritual gifts: Every believer in Jesus Christ has been given distinct “spiritual gifts,” abilities to perform certain tasks in the body of Christ. These gifts include wisdom, encouragement, teaching, knowledge, faith, prayer, healing, pastor, prophecy, administration, service, mercy, giving—read 1 Corinthians 12:1-11. Knowing your spiritual gifts will enable you to find your place of ministry in the local church.

The apostle Peter said, “As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God (1 Peter 4:10).”
When Peter spoke of spiritual gifts he considered them a matter of personal stewardship. Just as we will give an account of our use of the material things, time, and money that God has placed under our control, we must give account for the use of our spiritual gifts.

How do we receive God’s gifts? Jesus tells us to ask (Matt. 7:7-11). Isn’t it amazing that the creator of mankind and this vast universe would invite us to ask him for gifts! In contrast, James tells us, “You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” (James 4:2-3, NIV, my emphasis).

The word gift comes from the Greek word charis which means “unmerited favor.” God’s gifts are never given to us because we deserve them. He gives them as an expression of love. Out gifts to others is how we show God we love him. It is how we say ‘thank you Lord.’ Our gifts to others should not be based upon what I can get out of it, or whether they have earned the gift. The gift should flow from our love for that person. When we give gifts we express God’s love.

God’s Love Language: Quality Time

I'm starting the series based on Dr. GAry Chapman's Five Languages of Love. We often forget that God expresses these same love languages to us, his beloved children. This week we'll look at God's love language of quality time.

Personally, nothing is more important to me than my early morning time with God, and my walk in the woods with him in the afternoons. When these get disrupted—so do I. The Bible is clear: God is not some distant being. The idea that an eternal God, the almighty Creator, desires to spend quality time with his created is a unique aspect of Christianity. No other faith extols the ideal of having a personal relationship with their god.

In the Old Testament the Scriptures picture God spending quality time with his people beginning with Adam and Eve…until they messed that up. God and Moses spent one on one time together. Moses told God’s people that “God will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deut. 31:8). He knew that firsthand. Abraham was called God’s friend.
The psalms speak of God’s love for his creatures and his desire to draw near and spend quality time with them. In the book of Hosea, God says, “I am the Holy one among you” (11:9). God told the prophet Isaiah, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you” (Isaiah 43:2). The psalmist said, “I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live” (Ps. 116:1-2). The psalmist was drawn to God because of God’s willingness to talk with him in his time of need. The apostle James said, “Come near to God and he will come near to you” (James 4:8).

Jesus tells us that the desire of the triune God is to abide in or make his home with the one who responds to God’s love (John 14:23-26). Dr. Gary Chapman wrote in his book, The Love Languages of God, “Jesus illustrated the concept of quality time as an expression of God’s love by the design of His own earthy ministry. He preached to the multitudes, but he spent quality time with twelve men.” Jesus focused his time and attention on these men, deepening his ministry, instead of broadening it. He wanted these men to experience his deepest love, hanging out with them for 3-1/2 years. Jesus spent quality time with his friends, such as Lazarus, Mary and Martha.
God’s desire to be among us comes full circle. We read in the last book of the Bible, Revelations, “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" (Rev. 21:3-4).

Quality time with God is a very important part of my life. And it is very important not to mix up quality time with God and service. There are many who are truly devoted to giving God their undivided time for hours a day (I wish I could say that was me). For these people their time with God isn’t ritualistic but deep and personal. For many, including myself, spending time reading God’s Word and certain devotionals and commentaries, and then meditating on what I read—with God, brings me into communion with him.

If you find you are impressed with a certain Christian’s accomplishments, chances are great it is simply an outgrowth of their quality time with God. If your love language is quality time, then uninterrupted times of communion with God are not difficult but joyful. Those who seek quality time with God will learn that he’s always ready and waiting to meet with them. It’s one of his love languages.

Five Love Languages

Are you familiar with the five love languages? Christian psychologist Gary Chapman is best known for his work “The Five Love Languages.” Whether it is our spouse, our children, co-workers, those we interact with in the body of Christ, or even God, each one of us has a love language.

Dr. Chapman says as people come in all varieties, shapes and sizes, so do their choices of expressions of love. More often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two different ways which can lead to misunderstanding, quarrels and even divorce. If we can learn to speak our loved ones love language (and remember Christ calls us to love everyone) we will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return—fill our love tanks! For example:

1. My love language is Words of Affirmation when I say: “I feel especially loved when people express how grateful they are for me and for the simple, everyday things I do.”
2. My love language is Quality Time when I say: “I feel especially loved when a person gives me undivided attention and spends time alone with me.”
3. My love language is Receiving Gifts when I say: “I feel especially loved by someone who brings me gifts or other tangible expressions of love.”
4. My love language is Acts of Service when I say: “I feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help me with running errands or chores.
5. My love language is Physical Touch when I say: “I feel especially loved when a person expresses feeling for me through physical contact.

What love language are you? What about your spouse, members of your family—blood and church?

What our youth ministry has done in our church is first, teach the teens, in a small group setting, Dr. Gary Chapman’s five love languages (Resource: The Five Love Languages of Teenagers by Dr. Gary Chapman). We help each teen identify their primary love language. We want Jared or Tamara to comprehend how they need to receive love—how they want their love tank filled.

As the teens become more comfortable with understanding their own love language, they are encouraged to work on filling their family’s love tanks; and then their friends. We teach them that when they fill someone else’s love tank they get blessed because they are fulfilling God’s command, therefore, their love tank is filled.
Whether we are speaking to God or he is speaking to us, we are feeling God's love and presence most strongly in one particular way. By teaching teens to tap into that divine love, we can help them relate to God in a way that will totally revolutionize their will to love him and one another.

The next five blogs are going to be focused on the five love languages of God and how we can fill his love tank!

Why are so many people obsessed with celebrities and their stuff?

A blogger asked this week, “Why are so many people obsessed with celebrities lifestyles, choices, clothes, cars, homes, etc?” She concluded it was due to envy, jealousy, and boredom. Yes, but ti goes much deeper than that. The person needs to ask themselves, “why”—why am I obsessed.

French philosopher of social science, Dr. Rene Girard, developed the idea of mimesis or mimetic desires. According to Dr. Girard, the mimetic desire is motivated by an inner sense that “something” is missing. Scripture says, “You want something but don't get it” (James 4:2, NIV). That something, or soul-hole, lures many into a web of dangerous dieting. His theory is that our desires never come purely from ourselves; rather, they are inspired by the desires of another. The word mimesis means identifying with the original and involves some sort of participation. It is not the same as imitation, which suggests simulation or copying.

The mimetic desire describes our ravenous hunger for wholeness. It is so strong that people willingly stuff themselves with fragmented identities. Deep inside they feel “something” is missing. The culture and media machine have done a superb job of getting us all to believe “something” is missing and only “more” of what they offer will satisfy…and we devour the bait.

Scripture says, “Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness and sin, of greed and hate, envy, murder, fighting, lying, bitterness, and gossip” (Romans 1:29, TLB). Jesus knew man would deny God as his Creator and seek to remake himself in his own image. This is why he had to come and die. Jesus took onto himself every one of our faults, each imperfection—all our sin. As a result a space was created—a hole in our soul, that “something,” which can only be filled by him. God created us in such a way that only those who seek Jesus will be filled. We will never be filled by following celebrities or pop culture.

Leading by Example

Do we need to be reminded that people and our children are watching us? We all lead by example... one way or the other. Clearly, studies confirm that parents play an extremely important role in the lives of teenagers. A Pew Research Center study on adolescents reports that 52 percent say being a good parent is one of the most important things in their life. But sadly, with the separation and divorce rates so high in the home, children today are being parented by the media and celebrities. It’s been said this generation of parents are largely unavailable to their kids. The term “latched-key kids” was coined in reference to the fact we are raising a generation of lonely children.

When I think of a young person who models authenticity, nineteen-year-old Heidi Friesen comes to my mind. This gifted teenager found her purpose and has blossomed into an incredible missionary for Christ. Desiring to know her secret, and without prompting her, I asked who her greatest role models were. She replied, “My mom and dad are my role models. They taught me how to persevere and trust God through the hard times. My parents are very wise. I grew up watching them love the Lord and serving people using their gifts for God. I wanted to grow up the same way. Without them and some of my great youth pastors, the results of my high school life would have been different. I know this sounds so cliché, but obviously Jesus Christ is my role model. Without Him I wouldn’t know how to live my life, have any joy, and wouldn’t feel fulfilled.

The pressures of being a teen are not easy, and it seems to be getting worse. Drinking, drugs, premarital sex, eating disorders, and having to be attractive are shoved into teens’ faces more than anything else. It is so easy to go with the flow when you don’t have anyone showing you the way to the truth. I decided to go against the current by taking a stand for God. I choose to show those around me the truth of who God is.”

Kenda Creasy Dean states, in her book Practicing Passion, young people want a God “who is big enough, holy enough, awesome enough to reach out to them while at the same time, being intimate enough to reach in.” Youth want to talk to Jesus. We need to not only teach but model to teens that success is defined by being faithful to the Master’s plan for their individual lives—that real winners submit to Jesus’s transforming work and serve him with a grateful heart. Then purpose, meaning, and joy fall into place.

Star-Struck Teens

Celebrities influence what we do, buy, and say from fashion trends to music to clichés to destructive behaviors. They are trendsetters. They teach teens to be cool and how to succeed. They have the very things most teens want: power, money, freedom, sex, clothes, toys, and a whole lot of (perceived) fun!

The question is, do today’s celebrities serve as a more positive or negative role model? If a teenager learns behaviors enabling him or her to make productive and positive choices more easily and more often, that’s a good role model. Most parents agree, however, positive role models are hard to find in the entertainment, sports, music, and political industries.

Adolescents are very impressionable, and young adults often leave the strongest impressions on them. Celebrities who are perceived as rebels, breakers of rules, or outcasts that made it are alluring. Those types of celebs can easily become an object of affection. Take Lady Gaga—she is an idol for kids who feel like they're on the fringe. She appears to not care what anybody thinks, and that's an important message for her fans who most likely care what everybody thinks about them. In fact, on Facebook, as of July 2010, she surpassed the ten million mark, the highest number of fans for a living person. The president, Barack Obama, was running second, and Oprah Winfrey third.

Many celebrities are wonderful, gracious people and make a positive impact in our world with their desire to make things better. Unfortunately, and unbeknownst to the stargazer, there are far too many awful celebrity role models being emulated with disastrous consequences. It is this type of celebrity modeling we—parents, youth leaders, mentors, and teachers—need be concerned with.

Like cockroaches, the bad role model celebrities find their way into the hidden crevices of life: the computer monitor, children’s schools, college campuses, doctor’s offices, the gym, and the workplace. From print media to radio to television to Twitter, their message is always the same, “It’s all about me.” Not only are celebrities and the pop culture feeding our teens narcissistic messages, but their contemporary brains are massively remodeled by such technological exposure.

Adolescence (from the Latin adolescere meaning "to grow up") is a time of soul searching for identity and acceptance. For many teens today, being famous is an elusive goal. Compared to the generations before, there has been a dramatic shift in the way teenagers perceive success. Pew Research finds 81 percent of young adults say getting rich is their most important life goal; 51 percent say the same about being famous. The voices of influence tell them fame is a cure for all of life's challenges. Searching, they are vulnerable and easily influenced; exposed to unattainable beauty standards, sexual temptations, alcohol abuse, violence, illegal drugs—a variety of toxic influences that threaten to undo all we teach them.

There is hope! Mom and Dad, you have the greatest influence over your children. When asked what influences adolescents the most, more teens answered, “my home,” rather than celebrities, school, friends, religion, music, television, movies, or magazines. Our challenge is to model how we want our teens to behave. They learn not from how we tell them to act but how we act in their presence.

This is an excerpt from my book, Torn Between Two Masters: Encouraging Teens to Live Authentically in a Celebrity-Obsessed World.

I Want a New Face & Body

Twenty-year-olds Mike and Matt believed the only thing holding them back from Hollywood were their faces. They thought if they looked like Brad Pitt, they’d be able to make it big and women would desire them. On an episode of the 2005 reality television program I Want a Famous Face (MTV) they both got rhinoplasties, chin implants, and porcelain veneers. Mike got cheek implants.

In her quest for a better body image, twenty-three-year-old reality star Heidi Montag unveiled on MTV’s The Hills’ sixth season premiere the effect of plastic surgery addiction. Obsessed with perfect, Heidi had ten procedures done on one day, all in an effort to convert herself into a real, live Barbie doll. In the Huffington Post, Heidi said, “I was made fun of when I was younger, and so I had insecurities.”
It is understandable why you may desire plastic surgery. We all have a deep need to feel we’re beautiful or handsome, and to fit in and be considered popular. In that quest, many teens believe changing their appearance and facial features will do this. When asked what issues are making young girls consider plastic surgery, they overwhelmingly answered, as Heidi Montag eluded to, “being picked on at school about a physical appearance attribute.” One in four indicated they would change their appearance so they would no longer be bullied about their defect.

Without a question peers can be cruel! Other kids don’t think about how their comments hurt someone else. "Hey, baseball nose!" “Check out pancake chest!” The pressure to conform to what friends, peers and the media describe as “perfection” gives you the message that it is not okay to truly look like or express your real self.

Many teens report that their self-image and confidence improves when their perceived physical shortcomings are corrected. What every person needs to know is that despite cutting-edge cosmetic procedures, there is no guarantee of a perfect result or happiness. Unrealistic expectations about plastic surgery can set you up for major disappointment.

One year after Heidi Montag’s drastic plastic surgeries, the former reality star came forward to show the world her battle wounds and to express her deep regrets. "Parts of my body definitely look worse than they did presurgery…This is not what I signed up for,” twenty-four year-old Heidi told Life & Style. Inside the magazine she revealed the gruesome scars, lumps and bald spots her ten plastic surgery procedures left behind.

Many psychologists say it's a myth that how you feel about yourself is related to how you actually look. Often counseling, encouragement and some lessons in makeup and beauty is all you need. Many teens still carry “baby fat’ so exercise is the preferred choice over liposuction.

No doubt, appearance is important to building your identity and confidence. But I believe the amount of emotion and energy poured into desiring plastic surgery is a way a person is tempting to fill an inner void which can only be filled by God. I speak from experience. I had rhinoplasty surgery…three times! The second two procedures were to fix the first. Actress Jennifer Grey, best known for receiving a first place title in ABC's Dancing With the Stars and for her role as Baby in Dirty Dancing (1987), chose rhinoplasty. What many people don't know is she needed a second surgery to correct the first one. She commented in an interview that having rhinoplasty was the worst mistake she ever made. Some would agree her bridge was a bit long and had a hump, but it was “her.” It cost her her career. Other stars who received the same type of negative comments after having plastic surgery call it the "Jennifer Grey" syndrome.

The Bible says, “It's your life that must change, not your skin… What counts is your life” (Luke 3:8-9, MSG). The book title You’re Born an Original, Don’t Die a Copy by John Mason says it all. God Almighty only creates originals—not duplicates.
God has created you already with immense value and a unique purpose. Jesus said, “All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers” (Matthew 6:28, MSG).

Jesus didn’t want his listeners to stress out and focus on personal worries and problems. He wanted them to focus on God the Father. When you look into a field of colored wildflowers, they all look the same. Get up close, you will see real subtle differences in each flower. Some have more leaves. Some are taller. Some are more vibrant and the hue is faintly different in each petal.

The truth is, God took great care in designing you. No one can ever duplicate what God created and purposed. Learn to listen to God by making a commitment to study the Bible so you can see for yourself that real beauty and excellence comes from deep inside of you, from God himself.

This is an excerpt from my book, Torn Between Two Masters: Encouraging Teens to Live Authentically in a Celebrity-Obsessed World.