When the teens were told that I’d be speaking to them on “casual sex,” as you can imagine, every eye lit up. I began by stating that whether they were aware of it or not hooking up—having friends with benefits—having premarital sex-- is out of control today.
I shared with them my story of promiscuity. I finally learned it was a way to fill my deepest need to feel loved and feel that I belonged to someone [even if it was only for a minute]. I was so needy that I took whatever I could get. The wounds of shame, humiliation, and abandonment deepened. I could not stop the cycle. I believed this is where my worth lay—that I “owed” sex to men. The tragedy is I was sexually assaulted numerous times. The profound sense of powerlessness was compounded by self guilt for putting myself in those dangerous situations by partying and drinking. Psychologically, I tucked it all away because I could not bear to believe there was something inherently wrong with me and it was somehow my fault. Because of the promiscuity I got pregnant and chose to have an abortion. Then I had another demon to deal with.
God said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Being a child of God means every one of us has the image of God in us. What hooking up and premarital sex does is distort that image and alters God’s divine plan for our lives. I go into a great amount of detail about this in my book Torn Between Two Masters.
God’s intention is that in a marriage commitment--a man and woman become one flesh—that’s a word description of that powerful bonding process. When it is abused—either by your choice to hook up, or in the case of sexual abuse, because it is so powerful—it wounds us DEEPLY. God has set boundaries around the good things he has given us and sex is one of those things because he knows when we abuse his good things we get hurt. The bottom line is: Hooking up and sex outside of marriage twists God’s definition of “one flesh.” It does not come without cost—comes with a BIG cost.
Teens today express the intense peer pressure to have sex. What I say to them is, “Which would you rather? Be talked about for being a ‘slut’ or ‘skank’ or being different? I was called a slut—those labels wound deeply. I also like to point out to them celebrity virgins. As of today it appears the following are:
• Selena Gomez
• Idol winners Carrie Underwood, Guy Sebastian, Dean Geyer, Jordin Sparks
• Taylor Swift is questionable
• The Jonas Brothers wear purity rings.
• Miley Cyrus says she's holding out until marriage.
Stars who held out until they got married are:
• Lisa Kudrow [actress, Friends]
• Matthew Morrison [Glee]
• Adrian lima [Victoria Secret model]
• Brooke Sheilds [child model & actress]
• Jessica Simpson [singer; reality]
• Celine Dion [superstar singer]
• AC Green [pro basketball player]
• Kathy Lee Gifford [previous talk show host]
The last thing I do is define for them what a real intimate relationship is: An intimate relationship is NOT SEXUAL, but one in which both persons know one another completely and love one another without any fear of rejection. Relationships that last and are most meaningful are those in which we know the other person intimately and we allow that other person to know us intimately. In this kind of relationship neither person feels they need to hold onto secrets, pretend or defend themselves, because they feel safe and free to be themselves. I tell them that they are in a relationship now and don’t feel this way then I wouldn’t call it an intimate relationship.
Next week I’ll talk about God’s amazing grace and forgiveness when we do blow it!
Teens today live in a more dangerous, sexualized, oppressive, and media-saturated world. They face more pressures and are coerced into imitating celebrities, starving themselves, undergoing unnecessary plastic surgery procedures, hooking up, and using substances, issues addressed in this blog.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
The Youngest Targets of Celebrity Worship
Years ago a Gatorade advertisement featured Michael Jordan doing what he does best—soaring all over the basketball court, dunking ball after ball. The voices in the commercial where children repeatedly singing, “I want to be like Mike.”
Do you ever wonder why so many Christians are star-struck by celebrities? Why do so many adolescents want to be sports, music, runway, or Hollywood stars instead of teachers, nurses, pastors, or carpenters? Why is the lure of celebrity so powerful? This pop culture, via the media, has made it quite clear: celebrities matter—and we are star-struck by them.
Today’s young people are targets because they want it all. They want fame because it is a moneymaking business. Money buys stuff—and lots of it. It will be interesting to hear the teens of today tell their children what they had to do without when they were kids! Children as young as five-years-old already want to change something about their bodies. Anorexia is now reported in children as young as four.
There is no doubt adolescents are particularly vulnerable to imitation. One teen said, “I see what people are saying about how [actress’s] exposed ribs make her look disgusting. But she’s about to be cast as a mega-hot bombshell in a major action movie.” In other words, being bone thin equates to fame.
Teens today say they feel conflicted by the challenges the world presents. The American dream radically differs from the call of Jesus and the heart of the gospel. They feel pulled in many different directions. The media hooks them with tempting promises: Could you be the America's Next Top Model? Which celebrity are you most like? Friends say, Do this. Parents say, Do that. Teachers say, Do it by tomorrow. Coaches say, Just do it! Celebrities say, Do as I do.
Teens who lack a basic biblical system are more likely to fall prey to the lies and deception. Best selling author Josh McDowell wrote, “Even teens from solid Christian homes and churches have distorted beliefs about God and the Bible that can have a devastating rippling effect into every aspect of their lives.” About 70 percent do not believe the Bible is even accurate.
Sadly, lyrics from songs such as “Rockstar” fuel an insecure teen’s desire to be famous: “I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame, ’Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars.” To many teens, this rock star or celebrity persona is the cure to divert the pain that normal adolescence brings. God did not create us to impersonate or obsess after other flawed human beings. The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose, which is to model to the world a truthful reflection of who Jesus Christ is and what he is like. Every Christian should be shouting, I wanna be like Jesus!
But let’s say your kid genuinely desires a career as a performer and declares, “I’ve got talent! I’m determined be a star.” Instead of berating, laying down the law, or laughing at her or him, get strategic. Dig up some stories on the Internet that back up the fact that a long-term career in the entertainment industry is hard work and requires thick skin to handle ongoing rejection. They need to know the people who succeed must deeply love their craft.
You might say, “The moment you choose to be in the spotlight, you not only give up your right to privacy, you also give up your right to live however you want. You will be held to a higher standard than "regular people." As a celebrity, you must realize you will be a role model to kids of all ages, which means you must choose to set a good, wholesome, godly example. Are you up to that task?”
Your child may truly be talented. God raises up many talented Christian people who eventually gain celebrity status. Relationship and developmental psychology expert, Cooper Lawrence, advices:
• Get other professional opinions beside your own family’s and friends.
• Do your best to help your child develop genuine self-esteem based on substantial personal qualities, skills and talents.
• Make sure your child is represented by a real professional who knows the industry, rather than relying on the untried opinions of the people who love them.
Parents, encourage decision-making, and choose your battles. Even if your teen is making a bad choice, as long as his or her health or safety is not at risk, let him or her follow through, suggest parenting experts, Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay. The kid may struggle in the process but after a while they accomplish what they first set out to do. Look at what I did!”
The bottom line is this: Identifying and learning to be with Jesus, the true Master, is every person’s calling. Jesus came so we “may have life, and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). You don’t have to be a celebrity or “special.” Jesus invites us to partake in the abundant life he offers which is for the ordinary person. He knows we are hungry and want to feel fully alive. As he feeds and nurtures us, and we spend time in his presence, we are able to model and lead our children to the fulfilling life Jesus promised.
This is an excerpt from the book, Torn Between Two Masters: Encouraging Teens to Live Authentically in a Celebrity-Obsessed World.
Do you ever wonder why so many Christians are star-struck by celebrities? Why do so many adolescents want to be sports, music, runway, or Hollywood stars instead of teachers, nurses, pastors, or carpenters? Why is the lure of celebrity so powerful? This pop culture, via the media, has made it quite clear: celebrities matter—and we are star-struck by them.
Today’s young people are targets because they want it all. They want fame because it is a moneymaking business. Money buys stuff—and lots of it. It will be interesting to hear the teens of today tell their children what they had to do without when they were kids! Children as young as five-years-old already want to change something about their bodies. Anorexia is now reported in children as young as four.
There is no doubt adolescents are particularly vulnerable to imitation. One teen said, “I see what people are saying about how [actress’s] exposed ribs make her look disgusting. But she’s about to be cast as a mega-hot bombshell in a major action movie.” In other words, being bone thin equates to fame.
Teens today say they feel conflicted by the challenges the world presents. The American dream radically differs from the call of Jesus and the heart of the gospel. They feel pulled in many different directions. The media hooks them with tempting promises: Could you be the America's Next Top Model? Which celebrity are you most like? Friends say, Do this. Parents say, Do that. Teachers say, Do it by tomorrow. Coaches say, Just do it! Celebrities say, Do as I do.
Teens who lack a basic biblical system are more likely to fall prey to the lies and deception. Best selling author Josh McDowell wrote, “Even teens from solid Christian homes and churches have distorted beliefs about God and the Bible that can have a devastating rippling effect into every aspect of their lives.” About 70 percent do not believe the Bible is even accurate.
Sadly, lyrics from songs such as “Rockstar” fuel an insecure teen’s desire to be famous: “I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame, ’Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars.” To many teens, this rock star or celebrity persona is the cure to divert the pain that normal adolescence brings. God did not create us to impersonate or obsess after other flawed human beings. The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose, which is to model to the world a truthful reflection of who Jesus Christ is and what he is like. Every Christian should be shouting, I wanna be like Jesus!
But let’s say your kid genuinely desires a career as a performer and declares, “I’ve got talent! I’m determined be a star.” Instead of berating, laying down the law, or laughing at her or him, get strategic. Dig up some stories on the Internet that back up the fact that a long-term career in the entertainment industry is hard work and requires thick skin to handle ongoing rejection. They need to know the people who succeed must deeply love their craft.
You might say, “The moment you choose to be in the spotlight, you not only give up your right to privacy, you also give up your right to live however you want. You will be held to a higher standard than "regular people." As a celebrity, you must realize you will be a role model to kids of all ages, which means you must choose to set a good, wholesome, godly example. Are you up to that task?”
Your child may truly be talented. God raises up many talented Christian people who eventually gain celebrity status. Relationship and developmental psychology expert, Cooper Lawrence, advices:
• Get other professional opinions beside your own family’s and friends.
• Do your best to help your child develop genuine self-esteem based on substantial personal qualities, skills and talents.
• Make sure your child is represented by a real professional who knows the industry, rather than relying on the untried opinions of the people who love them.
Parents, encourage decision-making, and choose your battles. Even if your teen is making a bad choice, as long as his or her health or safety is not at risk, let him or her follow through, suggest parenting experts, Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay. The kid may struggle in the process but after a while they accomplish what they first set out to do. Look at what I did!”
The bottom line is this: Identifying and learning to be with Jesus, the true Master, is every person’s calling. Jesus came so we “may have life, and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). You don’t have to be a celebrity or “special.” Jesus invites us to partake in the abundant life he offers which is for the ordinary person. He knows we are hungry and want to feel fully alive. As he feeds and nurtures us, and we spend time in his presence, we are able to model and lead our children to the fulfilling life Jesus promised.
This is an excerpt from the book, Torn Between Two Masters: Encouraging Teens to Live Authentically in a Celebrity-Obsessed World.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Welcome!
Unable to reason with one of the teens, youth worker Jana suggested the parents have their daughter seen by her doctor. Mom called the next morning and said, "Doctor, please talk to and evaluate my 13-year-old girl."
He answered, "She's suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but her prognosis is good for full recovery."
Mom said, "How can you say all that without even meeting her?"
The doctor replied, "Didn't you say she was 13?"
Many physical, emotional, psychological and social changes are simultaneously occurring during adolescence. Some teens become severely depressed. Adolescence is an unsettling time and it is not always easy to come alongside a teen when heor she doesn't want you involved in his or her life.
My goal in this bog is to talk about what parents, youth leaders and mentors need to know to counteract the devastating influence that things like celebrity obsession are having on our youth.
[This material, although reworked, is an excerpt from the book Torn Between Two Masters]
He answered, "She's suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but her prognosis is good for full recovery."
Mom said, "How can you say all that without even meeting her?"
The doctor replied, "Didn't you say she was 13?"
Many physical, emotional, psychological and social changes are simultaneously occurring during adolescence. Some teens become severely depressed. Adolescence is an unsettling time and it is not always easy to come alongside a teen when heor she doesn't want you involved in his or her life.
My goal in this bog is to talk about what parents, youth leaders and mentors need to know to counteract the devastating influence that things like celebrity obsession are having on our youth.
[This material, although reworked, is an excerpt from the book Torn Between Two Masters]
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