God loves us with his love languages. This is the last one -- physical touch. Those whose primary love language is physical touch often speak of “feeling the presence,” or the touch, of God. Evidence that God speaks to us through the love language of physical touch is seen in both the Old and New Testament. Genesis 32 records the account of Jacob wrestling with God—a stranger perceived to be a messenger of God. Moses encountered God in a way that affected his body. Scripture says, Moses “was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the LORD” (Ex. 34:29).
An eyewitness tells of a young child who fell off a chair in a restaurant. Clearly hurt, the little girl began crying. Her father never got up to help. He seemed more worried about other people watching. He made a comment to her that she should have watched what she was doing. He never hugged or comforted her. By withholding touch and compassion no doubt, he made her little soul-hole a bit bigger.
In the New Testament we see Jesus often use the language of physical touch. “Laying his hands on each one, he [Jesus] healed them” (Luke 4:40). “He touched her hand and the fever left her…” (Matt. 8:15). “Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man” (Matt. 8:3).
Why didn’t Jesus speak a word or heal the whole crowd in one prayer? Because touch is one of our most basic needs. As early as the seventh week of pregnancy a baby reacts to touch. Studies show that people develop very slowly and even die if they are denied touch. Conversely, if a person is touched in a bad way it can traumatize their soul.
Touch is the earliest sense to develop and the last one to leave at the end of life. Our body and mind craves touch. It’s the way God created us. The Greeks believed touch to be the most basic and most reliable of the senses. Touch tranquilizes the nervous system by increasing endorphins.
Scripture says, “People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them…” (Mark 10:13). Children who are touched and exposed to hugs are often very expressive and warm, while those who aren’t hugged very much or shown affection by their family typically grow up putting a wall between themselves and other people. They often seek intimacy elsewhere—in the wrong places.
Hug often. It is a gesture of affirmation and approval. For example, a child who is hugged often feels worthy and valuable, whereas a child who is hug-starved or doesn’t receive any other form of affirmation will start asking, “Am I loved?” Hugging fosters self-acceptance and also boosts our immune system.
Many who followed Jesus got to touch him. Can you imagine being touched by the Son of God! Think about this: each person Jesus touched, he created (John 1:3; Psalm 139:13). When he looked into each set of eyes, he saw their very soul. He had shaped each mind intricately and differently. He sculpted each face and every feature perfectly. Long before their birth he knew them individually, cell by cell. The Bible says, “You [God] saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your book!” (Psalm 139:16, TLB)
There is something wonderful about having some else wash or brush your hair, or give you pedicure or a massage. Jesus washed his disciple’s feet (john 13:1-4). No doubt they felt refreshed and restored. When you have faced a difficult time, what helped you most? A hug, an arm around your shoulder, a hand laid delicately on top of yours? Whatever gesture, no doubt, it was authentic and meant so much. This unnamed woman in Matthew 9/Mark 5 sought Jesus’s touch: “A woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him [Jesus] and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed," and she was (Matt. 9:20-21).
Followers of Jesus Christ have for centuries been serving and touching others in his name. They have been spiritually touched by him. Saul of Tarsus certainly was and changed forever (read Acts 9:4-9).The book of Acts is the history of what God did through those early believers as they continued the serving, touching and healing ministry of Jesus.
Have you ever felt “touched” by God? When? what did it feel like?
Teens today live in a more dangerous, sexualized, oppressive, and media-saturated world. They face more pressures and are coerced into imitating celebrities, starving themselves, undergoing unnecessary plastic surgery procedures, hooking up, and using substances, issues addressed in this blog.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
God’s Love Language: Acts of Service
When I think of a person whose primary love language was acts of service I think of Mother Teresa (1910-1997). She became well-known internationally for her humanitarian work and advocacy for the rights of the poor and helpless, particularly in Calcutta, India. Serving people equals loving God.
Mother Teresa’s acts of service were spiritual in nature. She said, “To me, Jesus is the Life I want to live, the Light I want to reflect, the Way to the Father, the Love I want to express, the Joy I want to share, the Peace I want to sow around me.” She loved God by serving people and sacrificing her own life. She also said, “We have the specific task of giving material and spiritual help to the poorest of the poor, not only the ones in the slums but those who live in any corner of the world as well…”
God expressed an act of service [and more] by sending his Son Jesus, who in turn expressed his love by performing the ultimate act of service—giving his life for our sins. His own death was an act of service. It was the supreme act of showing his love for us.
For examples of God’s acts of service all we have to do is look at the life of Jesus. His three year ministry was filled with acts of service. The shortest route to knowing God the Father is to know his Son. Jesus Christ, in the flesh, came down to earth as the mirror image of the invisible Father: “The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being” (Hebrews 1:3, NIV).
It sounds like an impossible task—to imitate the acts of service of the Jesus Christ. Let’s also be realistic. Our flesh and human sinfulness make imitating Christ tough, especially in this culture, particularly for adolescents. It is unattainable in our own strength. It is only possible when we receive God’s grace. God can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). The best artist isn’t discouraged. She may not be a Van Gogh—and knows she’s not a Van Gogh—but she does her very best to paint a picture of excellence. Nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37).
If we let him reign in us—change the way we think, see, hear, feel, speak and serve, we can live a purpose-filled authentic life. Jesus can change us to such an extent that even a man who once loathed lepers went out of his way to embrace and kiss one. Jesus showed us that no one is unimportant in God’s eyes. He always had time for people. He searched for those who were lost. He healed those who were broken.
The gospel beckons us to die to ourselves and to believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, trusting in his power alone. We are not simply to admire Christ, but rather become “Christified.” It’s not easy but Jesus and Paul spoke of thousands of people who were radically invaded by God and became world changers.
Dr. René Girard’s theory, that our desires are inspired by the desires of another, helps us understand why teens pattern themselves after the wrong model. Instead of surrendering to the pop culture, we must guide them to faith in Jesus Christ.
Like a hand fit into a glove, believers are supposed to be the glove. Jesus is the hand. People see us. They see our fingers and hand move. They observe our impact. When they shake our gloved hand, they feel the warmth of the hand, of Jesus. The only way they can see Jesus is through the glove. This is one of the ways he makes himself visible to many who would never pick up a Bible or go to church.
Through the acts of service and example of Jesus Christ, God gives us what we need to express this love language in our particular areas of life. Jesus has given us his Holy Spirit to help us see, think, talk and act like him. He promises to instruct, counsel and teach us, all the while watching over us (Psalm 32:8).
The purpose of getting to know Jesus intimately is not merely to model his behaviors. We want to experience Jesus—his love, his touch, his joy—and then release it! Then we live life freely and fully—authentically.
In the Rospigliosi Palace in Rome is Guido Reni's famous mural, The Aurora, a work unequalled in that period for nobility of line and poetry of color. It is painted on a lofty ceiling, and as you stand on the pavement and look up at it, your neck stiffens, your head grows dizzy, and the figures become hazy and indistinct. So the owner of the palace placed a broad mirror near the floor. In it the picture is reflected, and you can sit down comfortably and study the wonderful work.
God is not so far removed from the human race as many believe. Most religions require the believer to look up. God comes down to the Christian. Everyone approaches God with a set of preconceptions collected from many sources: church, Sunday school, movies, television evangelists, and books. Many see God as someone to cower before, not as someone like Jesus, worthy of our love and trust. I am asking you to open your mind, to perhaps, a new view of God.
Think of Jesus as a streaming beaming light who came into the world straight from God Almighty as the only true self-expression of God. Pray as Paul did that “the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him [Jesus] better” (Ephesians 1:17, NIV).
Mother Teresa’s acts of service were spiritual in nature. She said, “To me, Jesus is the Life I want to live, the Light I want to reflect, the Way to the Father, the Love I want to express, the Joy I want to share, the Peace I want to sow around me.” She loved God by serving people and sacrificing her own life. She also said, “We have the specific task of giving material and spiritual help to the poorest of the poor, not only the ones in the slums but those who live in any corner of the world as well…”
God expressed an act of service [and more] by sending his Son Jesus, who in turn expressed his love by performing the ultimate act of service—giving his life for our sins. His own death was an act of service. It was the supreme act of showing his love for us.
For examples of God’s acts of service all we have to do is look at the life of Jesus. His three year ministry was filled with acts of service. The shortest route to knowing God the Father is to know his Son. Jesus Christ, in the flesh, came down to earth as the mirror image of the invisible Father: “The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being” (Hebrews 1:3, NIV).
It sounds like an impossible task—to imitate the acts of service of the Jesus Christ. Let’s also be realistic. Our flesh and human sinfulness make imitating Christ tough, especially in this culture, particularly for adolescents. It is unattainable in our own strength. It is only possible when we receive God’s grace. God can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). The best artist isn’t discouraged. She may not be a Van Gogh—and knows she’s not a Van Gogh—but she does her very best to paint a picture of excellence. Nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37).
If we let him reign in us—change the way we think, see, hear, feel, speak and serve, we can live a purpose-filled authentic life. Jesus can change us to such an extent that even a man who once loathed lepers went out of his way to embrace and kiss one. Jesus showed us that no one is unimportant in God’s eyes. He always had time for people. He searched for those who were lost. He healed those who were broken.
The gospel beckons us to die to ourselves and to believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, trusting in his power alone. We are not simply to admire Christ, but rather become “Christified.” It’s not easy but Jesus and Paul spoke of thousands of people who were radically invaded by God and became world changers.
Dr. René Girard’s theory, that our desires are inspired by the desires of another, helps us understand why teens pattern themselves after the wrong model. Instead of surrendering to the pop culture, we must guide them to faith in Jesus Christ.
Like a hand fit into a glove, believers are supposed to be the glove. Jesus is the hand. People see us. They see our fingers and hand move. They observe our impact. When they shake our gloved hand, they feel the warmth of the hand, of Jesus. The only way they can see Jesus is through the glove. This is one of the ways he makes himself visible to many who would never pick up a Bible or go to church.
Through the acts of service and example of Jesus Christ, God gives us what we need to express this love language in our particular areas of life. Jesus has given us his Holy Spirit to help us see, think, talk and act like him. He promises to instruct, counsel and teach us, all the while watching over us (Psalm 32:8).
The purpose of getting to know Jesus intimately is not merely to model his behaviors. We want to experience Jesus—his love, his touch, his joy—and then release it! Then we live life freely and fully—authentically.
In the Rospigliosi Palace in Rome is Guido Reni's famous mural, The Aurora, a work unequalled in that period for nobility of line and poetry of color. It is painted on a lofty ceiling, and as you stand on the pavement and look up at it, your neck stiffens, your head grows dizzy, and the figures become hazy and indistinct. So the owner of the palace placed a broad mirror near the floor. In it the picture is reflected, and you can sit down comfortably and study the wonderful work.
God is not so far removed from the human race as many believe. Most religions require the believer to look up. God comes down to the Christian. Everyone approaches God with a set of preconceptions collected from many sources: church, Sunday school, movies, television evangelists, and books. Many see God as someone to cower before, not as someone like Jesus, worthy of our love and trust. I am asking you to open your mind, to perhaps, a new view of God.
Think of Jesus as a streaming beaming light who came into the world straight from God Almighty as the only true self-expression of God. Pray as Paul did that “the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him [Jesus] better” (Ephesians 1:17, NIV).
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
God’s Love Language: Gifts
I'm continuing in the series "God's Love Languages to Us."
When I think of a gift I imagine a present: a beautifully wrapped package which contains something special given to me by the giver, usually as an expression of appreciation or love. The dictionary defines a gift as something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance.
God speaks the love language of gift-giving fluently. The Bible says that “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights…” (James 1:17). What does James mean when he says “perfect gift?” I would say it is ‘the bounty of God.’ God is the superb Giver and his gifts are perfect. The word “perfect” is the Greek word teleios, which means “mature, fully developed.” These gifts, James says, are the very best, complete and without defect—undoubtedly full of blessing. They reach their intended objective.
One of the enemy’s strategies is to convince us that our Father is holding out on us, as with Eve in the Garden of Eden. Since God is good we can rest assure we don’t need any other person or thing to meet our needs. Warren Wiersbe said, “It is better to be hungry in the will of God, than full outside the will of God.” Everything good in this world comes from God. If something is not good, it didn’t come from God. Think about this: Paul’s thorn in the flesh was given to him by God. That’s a strange and unwanted gift, yet it became a great blessing to him (2 Cor. 12:1-10).
God’s gifts are perfect. Satan may present you with a beautifully wrapped present, but when we unwrap and accept it we end up paying the price dearly. God gives us many gifts. What we do with them is our responsibility.
Throughout the Scriptures God reveals himself as the ultimate gift giver. He said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground--everything that has the breath of life in it--I give every green plant for food." And it was so. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good” (Gen. 1:29-31). The rising and the setting of the sun, rain showers and thunderstorms, the flowers and grandiose trees, the birds, turtles and ducks, dogs and kitties, the seasons—are all God’s gift to us. God provides for his creatures every day.
Not only does he give his creatures everything they need to survive and thrive, but he gives them the free gift of grace and salvation. His greatest gift was his Son.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son…” (John 3:16; Eph. 5:1-2). Scripture paints an image of a loving and giving God:
• God gave his children, ancient Israel, the guidelines to a meaningful and fruitful life. They reciprocated their love when they followed his ways. He, in turn, showered them with gifts of love.
• Hebrew history records that God gave much to King Solomon (1 Kings 3:7-13).
• The teachings of Jesus were permeated with the concept that God’s desire is to give his children who love him good gifts (John 16: 16, 20).
• James and John describe God as a great gift giver (James 1:17; 1 John 3:1-2).
Undeniably, God expresses his love by giving gifts. One of those gifts are material things such as food, shelter, and clothing. Besides the necessities for survival, gifts God gives his children are:
• Time: I am responsible for the time God entrusts to me. Having down-time is important to our overall health, but I also must ask myself [and ask God to show me] if I’m wasting precious time.
• Money: The question is not how much of my money I give to God, but rather how much of God’s money I keep for myself.
• Possessions: I have to constantly keep myself in check when it comes to my clothes and shoes. I have to ask myself if I’m being a hoarder! The answer is often yes. In those cases I feel compelled to donate the possessions I really do not use that often. [I still have a long way to go!] I know my husband feels the same way about his “man-stuff”—tools, equipment, etc.
• Spiritual: Many of God’s gifts are spiritual—the gift of eternal life, the forgiveness of our sins, grace, peace of mind, joy, and a purpose in life.
• Spiritual gifts: Every believer in Jesus Christ has been given distinct “spiritual gifts,” abilities to perform certain tasks in the body of Christ. These gifts include wisdom, encouragement, teaching, knowledge, faith, prayer, healing, pastor, prophecy, administration, service, mercy, giving—read 1 Corinthians 12:1-11. Knowing your spiritual gifts will enable you to find your place of ministry in the local church.
The apostle Peter said, “As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God (1 Peter 4:10).”
When Peter spoke of spiritual gifts he considered them a matter of personal stewardship. Just as we will give an account of our use of the material things, time, and money that God has placed under our control, we must give account for the use of our spiritual gifts.
How do we receive God’s gifts? Jesus tells us to ask (Matt. 7:7-11). Isn’t it amazing that the creator of mankind and this vast universe would invite us to ask him for gifts! In contrast, James tells us, “You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” (James 4:2-3, NIV, my emphasis).
The word gift comes from the Greek word charis which means “unmerited favor.” God’s gifts are never given to us because we deserve them. He gives them as an expression of love. Out gifts to others is how we show God we love him. It is how we say ‘thank you Lord.’ Our gifts to others should not be based upon what I can get out of it, or whether they have earned the gift. The gift should flow from our love for that person. When we give gifts we express God’s love.
When I think of a gift I imagine a present: a beautifully wrapped package which contains something special given to me by the giver, usually as an expression of appreciation or love. The dictionary defines a gift as something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance.
God speaks the love language of gift-giving fluently. The Bible says that “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights…” (James 1:17). What does James mean when he says “perfect gift?” I would say it is ‘the bounty of God.’ God is the superb Giver and his gifts are perfect. The word “perfect” is the Greek word teleios, which means “mature, fully developed.” These gifts, James says, are the very best, complete and without defect—undoubtedly full of blessing. They reach their intended objective.
One of the enemy’s strategies is to convince us that our Father is holding out on us, as with Eve in the Garden of Eden. Since God is good we can rest assure we don’t need any other person or thing to meet our needs. Warren Wiersbe said, “It is better to be hungry in the will of God, than full outside the will of God.” Everything good in this world comes from God. If something is not good, it didn’t come from God. Think about this: Paul’s thorn in the flesh was given to him by God. That’s a strange and unwanted gift, yet it became a great blessing to him (2 Cor. 12:1-10).
God’s gifts are perfect. Satan may present you with a beautifully wrapped present, but when we unwrap and accept it we end up paying the price dearly. God gives us many gifts. What we do with them is our responsibility.
Throughout the Scriptures God reveals himself as the ultimate gift giver. He said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground--everything that has the breath of life in it--I give every green plant for food." And it was so. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good” (Gen. 1:29-31). The rising and the setting of the sun, rain showers and thunderstorms, the flowers and grandiose trees, the birds, turtles and ducks, dogs and kitties, the seasons—are all God’s gift to us. God provides for his creatures every day.
Not only does he give his creatures everything they need to survive and thrive, but he gives them the free gift of grace and salvation. His greatest gift was his Son.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son…” (John 3:16; Eph. 5:1-2). Scripture paints an image of a loving and giving God:
• God gave his children, ancient Israel, the guidelines to a meaningful and fruitful life. They reciprocated their love when they followed his ways. He, in turn, showered them with gifts of love.
• Hebrew history records that God gave much to King Solomon (1 Kings 3:7-13).
• The teachings of Jesus were permeated with the concept that God’s desire is to give his children who love him good gifts (John 16: 16, 20).
• James and John describe God as a great gift giver (James 1:17; 1 John 3:1-2).
Undeniably, God expresses his love by giving gifts. One of those gifts are material things such as food, shelter, and clothing. Besides the necessities for survival, gifts God gives his children are:
• Time: I am responsible for the time God entrusts to me. Having down-time is important to our overall health, but I also must ask myself [and ask God to show me] if I’m wasting precious time.
• Money: The question is not how much of my money I give to God, but rather how much of God’s money I keep for myself.
• Possessions: I have to constantly keep myself in check when it comes to my clothes and shoes. I have to ask myself if I’m being a hoarder! The answer is often yes. In those cases I feel compelled to donate the possessions I really do not use that often. [I still have a long way to go!] I know my husband feels the same way about his “man-stuff”—tools, equipment, etc.
• Spiritual: Many of God’s gifts are spiritual—the gift of eternal life, the forgiveness of our sins, grace, peace of mind, joy, and a purpose in life.
• Spiritual gifts: Every believer in Jesus Christ has been given distinct “spiritual gifts,” abilities to perform certain tasks in the body of Christ. These gifts include wisdom, encouragement, teaching, knowledge, faith, prayer, healing, pastor, prophecy, administration, service, mercy, giving—read 1 Corinthians 12:1-11. Knowing your spiritual gifts will enable you to find your place of ministry in the local church.
The apostle Peter said, “As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God (1 Peter 4:10).”
When Peter spoke of spiritual gifts he considered them a matter of personal stewardship. Just as we will give an account of our use of the material things, time, and money that God has placed under our control, we must give account for the use of our spiritual gifts.
How do we receive God’s gifts? Jesus tells us to ask (Matt. 7:7-11). Isn’t it amazing that the creator of mankind and this vast universe would invite us to ask him for gifts! In contrast, James tells us, “You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” (James 4:2-3, NIV, my emphasis).
The word gift comes from the Greek word charis which means “unmerited favor.” God’s gifts are never given to us because we deserve them. He gives them as an expression of love. Out gifts to others is how we show God we love him. It is how we say ‘thank you Lord.’ Our gifts to others should not be based upon what I can get out of it, or whether they have earned the gift. The gift should flow from our love for that person. When we give gifts we express God’s love.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
God’s Love Language: Quality Time
I'm starting the series based on Dr. GAry Chapman's Five Languages of Love. We often forget that God expresses these same love languages to us, his beloved children. This week we'll look at God's love language of quality time.
Personally, nothing is more important to me than my early morning time with God, and my walk in the woods with him in the afternoons. When these get disrupted—so do I. The Bible is clear: God is not some distant being. The idea that an eternal God, the almighty Creator, desires to spend quality time with his created is a unique aspect of Christianity. No other faith extols the ideal of having a personal relationship with their god.
In the Old Testament the Scriptures picture God spending quality time with his people beginning with Adam and Eve…until they messed that up. God and Moses spent one on one time together. Moses told God’s people that “God will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deut. 31:8). He knew that firsthand. Abraham was called God’s friend.
The psalms speak of God’s love for his creatures and his desire to draw near and spend quality time with them. In the book of Hosea, God says, “I am the Holy one among you” (11:9). God told the prophet Isaiah, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you” (Isaiah 43:2). The psalmist said, “I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live” (Ps. 116:1-2). The psalmist was drawn to God because of God’s willingness to talk with him in his time of need. The apostle James said, “Come near to God and he will come near to you” (James 4:8).
Jesus tells us that the desire of the triune God is to abide in or make his home with the one who responds to God’s love (John 14:23-26). Dr. Gary Chapman wrote in his book, The Love Languages of God, “Jesus illustrated the concept of quality time as an expression of God’s love by the design of His own earthy ministry. He preached to the multitudes, but he spent quality time with twelve men.” Jesus focused his time and attention on these men, deepening his ministry, instead of broadening it. He wanted these men to experience his deepest love, hanging out with them for 3-1/2 years. Jesus spent quality time with his friends, such as Lazarus, Mary and Martha.
God’s desire to be among us comes full circle. We read in the last book of the Bible, Revelations, “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" (Rev. 21:3-4).
Quality time with God is a very important part of my life. And it is very important not to mix up quality time with God and service. There are many who are truly devoted to giving God their undivided time for hours a day (I wish I could say that was me). For these people their time with God isn’t ritualistic but deep and personal. For many, including myself, spending time reading God’s Word and certain devotionals and commentaries, and then meditating on what I read—with God, brings me into communion with him.
If you find you are impressed with a certain Christian’s accomplishments, chances are great it is simply an outgrowth of their quality time with God. If your love language is quality time, then uninterrupted times of communion with God are not difficult but joyful. Those who seek quality time with God will learn that he’s always ready and waiting to meet with them. It’s one of his love languages.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Five Love Languages
Are you familiar with the five love languages? Christian psychologist Gary Chapman is best known for his work “The Five Love Languages.” Whether it is our spouse, our children, co-workers, those we interact with in the body of Christ, or even God, each one of us has a love language.
Dr. Chapman says as people come in all varieties, shapes and sizes, so do their choices of expressions of love. More often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two different ways which can lead to misunderstanding, quarrels and even divorce. If we can learn to speak our loved ones love language (and remember Christ calls us to love everyone) we will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return—fill our love tanks! For example:
1. My love language is Words of Affirmation when I say: “I feel especially loved when people express how grateful they are for me and for the simple, everyday things I do.”
2. My love language is Quality Time when I say: “I feel especially loved when a person gives me undivided attention and spends time alone with me.”
3. My love language is Receiving Gifts when I say: “I feel especially loved by someone who brings me gifts or other tangible expressions of love.”
4. My love language is Acts of Service when I say: “I feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help me with running errands or chores.
5. My love language is Physical Touch when I say: “I feel especially loved when a person expresses feeling for me through physical contact.
What love language are you? What about your spouse, members of your family—blood and church?
What our youth ministry has done in our church is first, teach the teens, in a small group setting, Dr. Gary Chapman’s five love languages (Resource: The Five Love Languages of Teenagers by Dr. Gary Chapman). We help each teen identify their primary love language. We want Jared or Tamara to comprehend how they need to receive love—how they want their love tank filled.
As the teens become more comfortable with understanding their own love language, they are encouraged to work on filling their family’s love tanks; and then their friends. We teach them that when they fill someone else’s love tank they get blessed because they are fulfilling God’s command, therefore, their love tank is filled.
Whether we are speaking to God or he is speaking to us, we are feeling God's love and presence most strongly in one particular way. By teaching teens to tap into that divine love, we can help them relate to God in a way that will totally revolutionize their will to love him and one another.
The next five blogs are going to be focused on the five love languages of God and how we can fill his love tank!
Dr. Chapman says as people come in all varieties, shapes and sizes, so do their choices of expressions of love. More often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two different ways which can lead to misunderstanding, quarrels and even divorce. If we can learn to speak our loved ones love language (and remember Christ calls us to love everyone) we will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return—fill our love tanks! For example:
1. My love language is Words of Affirmation when I say: “I feel especially loved when people express how grateful they are for me and for the simple, everyday things I do.”
2. My love language is Quality Time when I say: “I feel especially loved when a person gives me undivided attention and spends time alone with me.”
3. My love language is Receiving Gifts when I say: “I feel especially loved by someone who brings me gifts or other tangible expressions of love.”
4. My love language is Acts of Service when I say: “I feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help me with running errands or chores.
5. My love language is Physical Touch when I say: “I feel especially loved when a person expresses feeling for me through physical contact.
What love language are you? What about your spouse, members of your family—blood and church?
What our youth ministry has done in our church is first, teach the teens, in a small group setting, Dr. Gary Chapman’s five love languages (Resource: The Five Love Languages of Teenagers by Dr. Gary Chapman). We help each teen identify their primary love language. We want Jared or Tamara to comprehend how they need to receive love—how they want their love tank filled.
As the teens become more comfortable with understanding their own love language, they are encouraged to work on filling their family’s love tanks; and then their friends. We teach them that when they fill someone else’s love tank they get blessed because they are fulfilling God’s command, therefore, their love tank is filled.
Whether we are speaking to God or he is speaking to us, we are feeling God's love and presence most strongly in one particular way. By teaching teens to tap into that divine love, we can help them relate to God in a way that will totally revolutionize their will to love him and one another.
The next five blogs are going to be focused on the five love languages of God and how we can fill his love tank!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Why are so many people obsessed with celebrities and their stuff?
A blogger asked this week, “Why are so many people obsessed with celebrities lifestyles, choices, clothes, cars, homes, etc?” She concluded it was due to envy, jealousy, and boredom. Yes, but ti goes much deeper than that. The person needs to ask themselves, “why”—why am I obsessed.
French philosopher of social science, Dr. Rene Girard, developed the idea of mimesis or mimetic desires. According to Dr. Girard, the mimetic desire is motivated by an inner sense that “something” is missing. Scripture says, “You want something but don't get it” (James 4:2, NIV). That something, or soul-hole, lures many into a web of dangerous dieting. His theory is that our desires never come purely from ourselves; rather, they are inspired by the desires of another. The word mimesis means identifying with the original and involves some sort of participation. It is not the same as imitation, which suggests simulation or copying.
The mimetic desire describes our ravenous hunger for wholeness. It is so strong that people willingly stuff themselves with fragmented identities. Deep inside they feel “something” is missing. The culture and media machine have done a superb job of getting us all to believe “something” is missing and only “more” of what they offer will satisfy…and we devour the bait.
Scripture says, “Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness and sin, of greed and hate, envy, murder, fighting, lying, bitterness, and gossip” (Romans 1:29, TLB). Jesus knew man would deny God as his Creator and seek to remake himself in his own image. This is why he had to come and die. Jesus took onto himself every one of our faults, each imperfection—all our sin. As a result a space was created—a hole in our soul, that “something,” which can only be filled by him. God created us in such a way that only those who seek Jesus will be filled. We will never be filled by following celebrities or pop culture.
French philosopher of social science, Dr. Rene Girard, developed the idea of mimesis or mimetic desires. According to Dr. Girard, the mimetic desire is motivated by an inner sense that “something” is missing. Scripture says, “You want something but don't get it” (James 4:2, NIV). That something, or soul-hole, lures many into a web of dangerous dieting. His theory is that our desires never come purely from ourselves; rather, they are inspired by the desires of another. The word mimesis means identifying with the original and involves some sort of participation. It is not the same as imitation, which suggests simulation or copying.
The mimetic desire describes our ravenous hunger for wholeness. It is so strong that people willingly stuff themselves with fragmented identities. Deep inside they feel “something” is missing. The culture and media machine have done a superb job of getting us all to believe “something” is missing and only “more” of what they offer will satisfy…and we devour the bait.
Scripture says, “Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness and sin, of greed and hate, envy, murder, fighting, lying, bitterness, and gossip” (Romans 1:29, TLB). Jesus knew man would deny God as his Creator and seek to remake himself in his own image. This is why he had to come and die. Jesus took onto himself every one of our faults, each imperfection—all our sin. As a result a space was created—a hole in our soul, that “something,” which can only be filled by him. God created us in such a way that only those who seek Jesus will be filled. We will never be filled by following celebrities or pop culture.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Leading by Example
Do we need to be reminded that people and our children are watching us? We all lead by example... one way or the other. Clearly, studies confirm that parents play an extremely important role in the lives of teenagers. A Pew Research Center study on adolescents reports that 52 percent say being a good parent is one of the most important things in their life. But sadly, with the separation and divorce rates so high in the home, children today are being parented by the media and celebrities. It’s been said this generation of parents are largely unavailable to their kids. The term “latched-key kids” was coined in reference to the fact we are raising a generation of lonely children.
When I think of a young person who models authenticity, nineteen-year-old Heidi Friesen comes to my mind. This gifted teenager found her purpose and has blossomed into an incredible missionary for Christ. Desiring to know her secret, and without prompting her, I asked who her greatest role models were. She replied, “My mom and dad are my role models. They taught me how to persevere and trust God through the hard times. My parents are very wise. I grew up watching them love the Lord and serving people using their gifts for God. I wanted to grow up the same way. Without them and some of my great youth pastors, the results of my high school life would have been different. I know this sounds so cliché, but obviously Jesus Christ is my role model. Without Him I wouldn’t know how to live my life, have any joy, and wouldn’t feel fulfilled.
The pressures of being a teen are not easy, and it seems to be getting worse. Drinking, drugs, premarital sex, eating disorders, and having to be attractive are shoved into teens’ faces more than anything else. It is so easy to go with the flow when you don’t have anyone showing you the way to the truth. I decided to go against the current by taking a stand for God. I choose to show those around me the truth of who God is.”
Kenda Creasy Dean states, in her book Practicing Passion, young people want a God “who is big enough, holy enough, awesome enough to reach out to them while at the same time, being intimate enough to reach in.” Youth want to talk to Jesus. We need to not only teach but model to teens that success is defined by being faithful to the Master’s plan for their individual lives—that real winners submit to Jesus’s transforming work and serve him with a grateful heart. Then purpose, meaning, and joy fall into place.
When I think of a young person who models authenticity, nineteen-year-old Heidi Friesen comes to my mind. This gifted teenager found her purpose and has blossomed into an incredible missionary for Christ. Desiring to know her secret, and without prompting her, I asked who her greatest role models were. She replied, “My mom and dad are my role models. They taught me how to persevere and trust God through the hard times. My parents are very wise. I grew up watching them love the Lord and serving people using their gifts for God. I wanted to grow up the same way. Without them and some of my great youth pastors, the results of my high school life would have been different. I know this sounds so cliché, but obviously Jesus Christ is my role model. Without Him I wouldn’t know how to live my life, have any joy, and wouldn’t feel fulfilled.
The pressures of being a teen are not easy, and it seems to be getting worse. Drinking, drugs, premarital sex, eating disorders, and having to be attractive are shoved into teens’ faces more than anything else. It is so easy to go with the flow when you don’t have anyone showing you the way to the truth. I decided to go against the current by taking a stand for God. I choose to show those around me the truth of who God is.”
Kenda Creasy Dean states, in her book Practicing Passion, young people want a God “who is big enough, holy enough, awesome enough to reach out to them while at the same time, being intimate enough to reach in.” Youth want to talk to Jesus. We need to not only teach but model to teens that success is defined by being faithful to the Master’s plan for their individual lives—that real winners submit to Jesus’s transforming work and serve him with a grateful heart. Then purpose, meaning, and joy fall into place.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Star-Struck Teens
Celebrities influence what we do, buy, and say from fashion trends to music to clichés to destructive behaviors. They are trendsetters. They teach teens to be cool and how to succeed. They have the very things most teens want: power, money, freedom, sex, clothes, toys, and a whole lot of (perceived) fun!
The question is, do today’s celebrities serve as a more positive or negative role model? If a teenager learns behaviors enabling him or her to make productive and positive choices more easily and more often, that’s a good role model. Most parents agree, however, positive role models are hard to find in the entertainment, sports, music, and political industries.
Adolescents are very impressionable, and young adults often leave the strongest impressions on them. Celebrities who are perceived as rebels, breakers of rules, or outcasts that made it are alluring. Those types of celebs can easily become an object of affection. Take Lady Gaga—she is an idol for kids who feel like they're on the fringe. She appears to not care what anybody thinks, and that's an important message for her fans who most likely care what everybody thinks about them. In fact, on Facebook, as of July 2010, she surpassed the ten million mark, the highest number of fans for a living person. The president, Barack Obama, was running second, and Oprah Winfrey third.
Many celebrities are wonderful, gracious people and make a positive impact in our world with their desire to make things better. Unfortunately, and unbeknownst to the stargazer, there are far too many awful celebrity role models being emulated with disastrous consequences. It is this type of celebrity modeling we—parents, youth leaders, mentors, and teachers—need be concerned with.
Like cockroaches, the bad role model celebrities find their way into the hidden crevices of life: the computer monitor, children’s schools, college campuses, doctor’s offices, the gym, and the workplace. From print media to radio to television to Twitter, their message is always the same, “It’s all about me.” Not only are celebrities and the pop culture feeding our teens narcissistic messages, but their contemporary brains are massively remodeled by such technological exposure.
Adolescence (from the Latin adolescere meaning "to grow up") is a time of soul searching for identity and acceptance. For many teens today, being famous is an elusive goal. Compared to the generations before, there has been a dramatic shift in the way teenagers perceive success. Pew Research finds 81 percent of young adults say getting rich is their most important life goal; 51 percent say the same about being famous. The voices of influence tell them fame is a cure for all of life's challenges. Searching, they are vulnerable and easily influenced; exposed to unattainable beauty standards, sexual temptations, alcohol abuse, violence, illegal drugs—a variety of toxic influences that threaten to undo all we teach them.
There is hope! Mom and Dad, you have the greatest influence over your children. When asked what influences adolescents the most, more teens answered, “my home,” rather than celebrities, school, friends, religion, music, television, movies, or magazines. Our challenge is to model how we want our teens to behave. They learn not from how we tell them to act but how we act in their presence.
This is an excerpt from my book, Torn Between Two Masters: Encouraging Teens to Live Authentically in a Celebrity-Obsessed World.
The question is, do today’s celebrities serve as a more positive or negative role model? If a teenager learns behaviors enabling him or her to make productive and positive choices more easily and more often, that’s a good role model. Most parents agree, however, positive role models are hard to find in the entertainment, sports, music, and political industries.
Adolescents are very impressionable, and young adults often leave the strongest impressions on them. Celebrities who are perceived as rebels, breakers of rules, or outcasts that made it are alluring. Those types of celebs can easily become an object of affection. Take Lady Gaga—she is an idol for kids who feel like they're on the fringe. She appears to not care what anybody thinks, and that's an important message for her fans who most likely care what everybody thinks about them. In fact, on Facebook, as of July 2010, she surpassed the ten million mark, the highest number of fans for a living person. The president, Barack Obama, was running second, and Oprah Winfrey third.
Many celebrities are wonderful, gracious people and make a positive impact in our world with their desire to make things better. Unfortunately, and unbeknownst to the stargazer, there are far too many awful celebrity role models being emulated with disastrous consequences. It is this type of celebrity modeling we—parents, youth leaders, mentors, and teachers—need be concerned with.
Like cockroaches, the bad role model celebrities find their way into the hidden crevices of life: the computer monitor, children’s schools, college campuses, doctor’s offices, the gym, and the workplace. From print media to radio to television to Twitter, their message is always the same, “It’s all about me.” Not only are celebrities and the pop culture feeding our teens narcissistic messages, but their contemporary brains are massively remodeled by such technological exposure.
Adolescence (from the Latin adolescere meaning "to grow up") is a time of soul searching for identity and acceptance. For many teens today, being famous is an elusive goal. Compared to the generations before, there has been a dramatic shift in the way teenagers perceive success. Pew Research finds 81 percent of young adults say getting rich is their most important life goal; 51 percent say the same about being famous. The voices of influence tell them fame is a cure for all of life's challenges. Searching, they are vulnerable and easily influenced; exposed to unattainable beauty standards, sexual temptations, alcohol abuse, violence, illegal drugs—a variety of toxic influences that threaten to undo all we teach them.
There is hope! Mom and Dad, you have the greatest influence over your children. When asked what influences adolescents the most, more teens answered, “my home,” rather than celebrities, school, friends, religion, music, television, movies, or magazines. Our challenge is to model how we want our teens to behave. They learn not from how we tell them to act but how we act in their presence.
This is an excerpt from my book, Torn Between Two Masters: Encouraging Teens to Live Authentically in a Celebrity-Obsessed World.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
I Want a New Face & Body
Twenty-year-olds Mike and Matt believed the only thing holding them back from Hollywood were their faces. They thought if they looked like Brad Pitt, they’d be able to make it big and women would desire them. On an episode of the 2005 reality television program I Want a Famous Face (MTV) they both got rhinoplasties, chin implants, and porcelain veneers. Mike got cheek implants.
In her quest for a better body image, twenty-three-year-old reality star Heidi Montag unveiled on MTV’s The Hills’ sixth season premiere the effect of plastic surgery addiction. Obsessed with perfect, Heidi had ten procedures done on one day, all in an effort to convert herself into a real, live Barbie doll. In the Huffington Post, Heidi said, “I was made fun of when I was younger, and so I had insecurities.”
It is understandable why you may desire plastic surgery. We all have a deep need to feel we’re beautiful or handsome, and to fit in and be considered popular. In that quest, many teens believe changing their appearance and facial features will do this. When asked what issues are making young girls consider plastic surgery, they overwhelmingly answered, as Heidi Montag eluded to, “being picked on at school about a physical appearance attribute.” One in four indicated they would change their appearance so they would no longer be bullied about their defect.
Without a question peers can be cruel! Other kids don’t think about how their comments hurt someone else. "Hey, baseball nose!" “Check out pancake chest!” The pressure to conform to what friends, peers and the media describe as “perfection” gives you the message that it is not okay to truly look like or express your real self.
Many teens report that their self-image and confidence improves when their perceived physical shortcomings are corrected. What every person needs to know is that despite cutting-edge cosmetic procedures, there is no guarantee of a perfect result or happiness. Unrealistic expectations about plastic surgery can set you up for major disappointment.
One year after Heidi Montag’s drastic plastic surgeries, the former reality star came forward to show the world her battle wounds and to express her deep regrets. "Parts of my body definitely look worse than they did presurgery…This is not what I signed up for,” twenty-four year-old Heidi told Life & Style. Inside the magazine she revealed the gruesome scars, lumps and bald spots her ten plastic surgery procedures left behind.
Many psychologists say it's a myth that how you feel about yourself is related to how you actually look. Often counseling, encouragement and some lessons in makeup and beauty is all you need. Many teens still carry “baby fat’ so exercise is the preferred choice over liposuction.
No doubt, appearance is important to building your identity and confidence. But I believe the amount of emotion and energy poured into desiring plastic surgery is a way a person is tempting to fill an inner void which can only be filled by God. I speak from experience. I had rhinoplasty surgery…three times! The second two procedures were to fix the first. Actress Jennifer Grey, best known for receiving a first place title in ABC's Dancing With the Stars and for her role as Baby in Dirty Dancing (1987), chose rhinoplasty. What many people don't know is she needed a second surgery to correct the first one. She commented in an interview that having rhinoplasty was the worst mistake she ever made. Some would agree her bridge was a bit long and had a hump, but it was “her.” It cost her her career. Other stars who received the same type of negative comments after having plastic surgery call it the "Jennifer Grey" syndrome.
The Bible says, “It's your life that must change, not your skin… What counts is your life” (Luke 3:8-9, MSG). The book title You’re Born an Original, Don’t Die a Copy by John Mason says it all. God Almighty only creates originals—not duplicates.
God has created you already with immense value and a unique purpose. Jesus said, “All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers” (Matthew 6:28, MSG).
Jesus didn’t want his listeners to stress out and focus on personal worries and problems. He wanted them to focus on God the Father. When you look into a field of colored wildflowers, they all look the same. Get up close, you will see real subtle differences in each flower. Some have more leaves. Some are taller. Some are more vibrant and the hue is faintly different in each petal.
The truth is, God took great care in designing you. No one can ever duplicate what God created and purposed. Learn to listen to God by making a commitment to study the Bible so you can see for yourself that real beauty and excellence comes from deep inside of you, from God himself.
This is an excerpt from my book, Torn Between Two Masters: Encouraging Teens to Live Authentically in a Celebrity-Obsessed World.
In her quest for a better body image, twenty-three-year-old reality star Heidi Montag unveiled on MTV’s The Hills’ sixth season premiere the effect of plastic surgery addiction. Obsessed with perfect, Heidi had ten procedures done on one day, all in an effort to convert herself into a real, live Barbie doll. In the Huffington Post, Heidi said, “I was made fun of when I was younger, and so I had insecurities.”
It is understandable why you may desire plastic surgery. We all have a deep need to feel we’re beautiful or handsome, and to fit in and be considered popular. In that quest, many teens believe changing their appearance and facial features will do this. When asked what issues are making young girls consider plastic surgery, they overwhelmingly answered, as Heidi Montag eluded to, “being picked on at school about a physical appearance attribute.” One in four indicated they would change their appearance so they would no longer be bullied about their defect.
Without a question peers can be cruel! Other kids don’t think about how their comments hurt someone else. "Hey, baseball nose!" “Check out pancake chest!” The pressure to conform to what friends, peers and the media describe as “perfection” gives you the message that it is not okay to truly look like or express your real self.
Many teens report that their self-image and confidence improves when their perceived physical shortcomings are corrected. What every person needs to know is that despite cutting-edge cosmetic procedures, there is no guarantee of a perfect result or happiness. Unrealistic expectations about plastic surgery can set you up for major disappointment.
One year after Heidi Montag’s drastic plastic surgeries, the former reality star came forward to show the world her battle wounds and to express her deep regrets. "Parts of my body definitely look worse than they did presurgery…This is not what I signed up for,” twenty-four year-old Heidi told Life & Style. Inside the magazine she revealed the gruesome scars, lumps and bald spots her ten plastic surgery procedures left behind.
Many psychologists say it's a myth that how you feel about yourself is related to how you actually look. Often counseling, encouragement and some lessons in makeup and beauty is all you need. Many teens still carry “baby fat’ so exercise is the preferred choice over liposuction.
No doubt, appearance is important to building your identity and confidence. But I believe the amount of emotion and energy poured into desiring plastic surgery is a way a person is tempting to fill an inner void which can only be filled by God. I speak from experience. I had rhinoplasty surgery…three times! The second two procedures were to fix the first. Actress Jennifer Grey, best known for receiving a first place title in ABC's Dancing With the Stars and for her role as Baby in Dirty Dancing (1987), chose rhinoplasty. What many people don't know is she needed a second surgery to correct the first one. She commented in an interview that having rhinoplasty was the worst mistake she ever made. Some would agree her bridge was a bit long and had a hump, but it was “her.” It cost her her career. Other stars who received the same type of negative comments after having plastic surgery call it the "Jennifer Grey" syndrome.
The Bible says, “It's your life that must change, not your skin… What counts is your life” (Luke 3:8-9, MSG). The book title You’re Born an Original, Don’t Die a Copy by John Mason says it all. God Almighty only creates originals—not duplicates.
God has created you already with immense value and a unique purpose. Jesus said, “All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers” (Matthew 6:28, MSG).
Jesus didn’t want his listeners to stress out and focus on personal worries and problems. He wanted them to focus on God the Father. When you look into a field of colored wildflowers, they all look the same. Get up close, you will see real subtle differences in each flower. Some have more leaves. Some are taller. Some are more vibrant and the hue is faintly different in each petal.
The truth is, God took great care in designing you. No one can ever duplicate what God created and purposed. Learn to listen to God by making a commitment to study the Bible so you can see for yourself that real beauty and excellence comes from deep inside of you, from God himself.
This is an excerpt from my book, Torn Between Two Masters: Encouraging Teens to Live Authentically in a Celebrity-Obsessed World.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Casual Sex & God's Forgiveness
Last week I talked about the state of casual sex. I’m going to continue the dialogue and speak about our future relationship with God if we are not married and sexually active.
If you have been, or are sexually active, in your quiet time with God tell him how you feel—he already knows. We call it confession. Hebrews 10:22 says: “Let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water.” Ask for his forgiveness and his help and guidance.
God loves you so much. He will forgive you and heal you. Once he forgives you—you are clean and pure in his eyes. Psalm 51:7 says: God swill wash us whiter than snow.
But it doesn’t mean he will wipe out the consequences. One example is King David. He
committed adultery which led to murder and set into motion consequences that were irreversible.
David asked God to forgive him. God forgave David’s sin and restored their relationship, but he did not wipe out the consequences. That’s part of life! We must never take on the attitude that, “I can do this—get drunk, try marijuana, have premarital sex—because if I tell God I’m sorry, he’ll forgive me.” If we choose to live this way we must remember that we may set into motion events with irreversible consequences. God will forgive you but you may get a DUI charge and jail time, a pregnancy or STD, the loss of a college scholarship, loss of good friends. That happened to me. I know!
The clincher is, despite what David did, God still used David. Despite what I did—God is using me today in a powerful way. In fact, David was found to be worthy enough in God’s eyes to generate from his seed Jesus Christ. We will all, at one time or other, fall into temptation because we are human beings with a sin nature. Everyone, including Mom and Dad and Pastors and youth leaders blows it. With God, forgiveness means more than a second chance; it means a fresh start. It’s like getting an F on a test and the F gets erased as if it never happened. COOL!
We don’t have to be embarrassed or be afraid of what God thinks about us. We are fully forgiven and totally loved by him—no matter what we have done! But he expects us to follow his commands to keep us healthy and safe. The psalmist asked God: “How can a young man [woman] keep his [her] way pure? Answer: By living according to your word” (Psalms 119:9). This is the key: the only way we can know what God wants from us and what is healthy and safe and good for us is by learning and following God’s Word—doing bible study.
God wants us to be sexually pure way we do that is by maintaining our virginity.
If you are not a virgin you can still make a commitment to God to remain pure until you get married. He will honor that commitment.
If you have been, or are sexually active, in your quiet time with God tell him how you feel—he already knows. We call it confession. Hebrews 10:22 says: “Let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water.” Ask for his forgiveness and his help and guidance.
God loves you so much. He will forgive you and heal you. Once he forgives you—you are clean and pure in his eyes. Psalm 51:7 says: God swill wash us whiter than snow.
But it doesn’t mean he will wipe out the consequences. One example is King David. He
committed adultery which led to murder and set into motion consequences that were irreversible.
David asked God to forgive him. God forgave David’s sin and restored their relationship, but he did not wipe out the consequences. That’s part of life! We must never take on the attitude that, “I can do this—get drunk, try marijuana, have premarital sex—because if I tell God I’m sorry, he’ll forgive me.” If we choose to live this way we must remember that we may set into motion events with irreversible consequences. God will forgive you but you may get a DUI charge and jail time, a pregnancy or STD, the loss of a college scholarship, loss of good friends. That happened to me. I know!
The clincher is, despite what David did, God still used David. Despite what I did—God is using me today in a powerful way. In fact, David was found to be worthy enough in God’s eyes to generate from his seed Jesus Christ. We will all, at one time or other, fall into temptation because we are human beings with a sin nature. Everyone, including Mom and Dad and Pastors and youth leaders blows it. With God, forgiveness means more than a second chance; it means a fresh start. It’s like getting an F on a test and the F gets erased as if it never happened. COOL!
We don’t have to be embarrassed or be afraid of what God thinks about us. We are fully forgiven and totally loved by him—no matter what we have done! But he expects us to follow his commands to keep us healthy and safe. The psalmist asked God: “How can a young man [woman] keep his [her] way pure? Answer: By living according to your word” (Psalms 119:9). This is the key: the only way we can know what God wants from us and what is healthy and safe and good for us is by learning and following God’s Word—doing bible study.
God wants us to be sexually pure way we do that is by maintaining our virginity.
If you are not a virgin you can still make a commitment to God to remain pure until you get married. He will honor that commitment.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Teens and Casual Sex
When the teens were told that I’d be speaking to them on “casual sex,” as you can imagine, every eye lit up. I began by stating that whether they were aware of it or not hooking up—having friends with benefits—having premarital sex-- is out of control today.
I shared with them my story of promiscuity. I finally learned it was a way to fill my deepest need to feel loved and feel that I belonged to someone [even if it was only for a minute]. I was so needy that I took whatever I could get. The wounds of shame, humiliation, and abandonment deepened. I could not stop the cycle. I believed this is where my worth lay—that I “owed” sex to men. The tragedy is I was sexually assaulted numerous times. The profound sense of powerlessness was compounded by self guilt for putting myself in those dangerous situations by partying and drinking. Psychologically, I tucked it all away because I could not bear to believe there was something inherently wrong with me and it was somehow my fault. Because of the promiscuity I got pregnant and chose to have an abortion. Then I had another demon to deal with.
God said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Being a child of God means every one of us has the image of God in us. What hooking up and premarital sex does is distort that image and alters God’s divine plan for our lives. I go into a great amount of detail about this in my book Torn Between Two Masters.
God’s intention is that in a marriage commitment--a man and woman become one flesh—that’s a word description of that powerful bonding process. When it is abused—either by your choice to hook up, or in the case of sexual abuse, because it is so powerful—it wounds us DEEPLY. God has set boundaries around the good things he has given us and sex is one of those things because he knows when we abuse his good things we get hurt. The bottom line is: Hooking up and sex outside of marriage twists God’s definition of “one flesh.” It does not come without cost—comes with a BIG cost.
Teens today express the intense peer pressure to have sex. What I say to them is, “Which would you rather? Be talked about for being a ‘slut’ or ‘skank’ or being different? I was called a slut—those labels wound deeply. I also like to point out to them celebrity virgins. As of today it appears the following are:
• Selena Gomez
• Idol winners Carrie Underwood, Guy Sebastian, Dean Geyer, Jordin Sparks
• Taylor Swift is questionable
• The Jonas Brothers wear purity rings.
• Miley Cyrus says she's holding out until marriage.
Stars who held out until they got married are:
• Lisa Kudrow [actress, Friends]
• Matthew Morrison [Glee]
• Adrian lima [Victoria Secret model]
• Brooke Sheilds [child model & actress]
• Jessica Simpson [singer; reality]
• Celine Dion [superstar singer]
• AC Green [pro basketball player]
• Kathy Lee Gifford [previous talk show host]
The last thing I do is define for them what a real intimate relationship is: An intimate relationship is NOT SEXUAL, but one in which both persons know one another completely and love one another without any fear of rejection. Relationships that last and are most meaningful are those in which we know the other person intimately and we allow that other person to know us intimately. In this kind of relationship neither person feels they need to hold onto secrets, pretend or defend themselves, because they feel safe and free to be themselves. I tell them that they are in a relationship now and don’t feel this way then I wouldn’t call it an intimate relationship.
Next week I’ll talk about God’s amazing grace and forgiveness when we do blow it!
I shared with them my story of promiscuity. I finally learned it was a way to fill my deepest need to feel loved and feel that I belonged to someone [even if it was only for a minute]. I was so needy that I took whatever I could get. The wounds of shame, humiliation, and abandonment deepened. I could not stop the cycle. I believed this is where my worth lay—that I “owed” sex to men. The tragedy is I was sexually assaulted numerous times. The profound sense of powerlessness was compounded by self guilt for putting myself in those dangerous situations by partying and drinking. Psychologically, I tucked it all away because I could not bear to believe there was something inherently wrong with me and it was somehow my fault. Because of the promiscuity I got pregnant and chose to have an abortion. Then I had another demon to deal with.
God said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Being a child of God means every one of us has the image of God in us. What hooking up and premarital sex does is distort that image and alters God’s divine plan for our lives. I go into a great amount of detail about this in my book Torn Between Two Masters.
God’s intention is that in a marriage commitment--a man and woman become one flesh—that’s a word description of that powerful bonding process. When it is abused—either by your choice to hook up, or in the case of sexual abuse, because it is so powerful—it wounds us DEEPLY. God has set boundaries around the good things he has given us and sex is one of those things because he knows when we abuse his good things we get hurt. The bottom line is: Hooking up and sex outside of marriage twists God’s definition of “one flesh.” It does not come without cost—comes with a BIG cost.
Teens today express the intense peer pressure to have sex. What I say to them is, “Which would you rather? Be talked about for being a ‘slut’ or ‘skank’ or being different? I was called a slut—those labels wound deeply. I also like to point out to them celebrity virgins. As of today it appears the following are:
• Selena Gomez
• Idol winners Carrie Underwood, Guy Sebastian, Dean Geyer, Jordin Sparks
• Taylor Swift is questionable
• The Jonas Brothers wear purity rings.
• Miley Cyrus says she's holding out until marriage.
Stars who held out until they got married are:
• Lisa Kudrow [actress, Friends]
• Matthew Morrison [Glee]
• Adrian lima [Victoria Secret model]
• Brooke Sheilds [child model & actress]
• Jessica Simpson [singer; reality]
• Celine Dion [superstar singer]
• AC Green [pro basketball player]
• Kathy Lee Gifford [previous talk show host]
The last thing I do is define for them what a real intimate relationship is: An intimate relationship is NOT SEXUAL, but one in which both persons know one another completely and love one another without any fear of rejection. Relationships that last and are most meaningful are those in which we know the other person intimately and we allow that other person to know us intimately. In this kind of relationship neither person feels they need to hold onto secrets, pretend or defend themselves, because they feel safe and free to be themselves. I tell them that they are in a relationship now and don’t feel this way then I wouldn’t call it an intimate relationship.
Next week I’ll talk about God’s amazing grace and forgiveness when we do blow it!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
The Youngest Targets of Celebrity Worship
Years ago a Gatorade advertisement featured Michael Jordan doing what he does best—soaring all over the basketball court, dunking ball after ball. The voices in the commercial where children repeatedly singing, “I want to be like Mike.”
Do you ever wonder why so many Christians are star-struck by celebrities? Why do so many adolescents want to be sports, music, runway, or Hollywood stars instead of teachers, nurses, pastors, or carpenters? Why is the lure of celebrity so powerful? This pop culture, via the media, has made it quite clear: celebrities matter—and we are star-struck by them.
Today’s young people are targets because they want it all. They want fame because it is a moneymaking business. Money buys stuff—and lots of it. It will be interesting to hear the teens of today tell their children what they had to do without when they were kids! Children as young as five-years-old already want to change something about their bodies. Anorexia is now reported in children as young as four.
There is no doubt adolescents are particularly vulnerable to imitation. One teen said, “I see what people are saying about how [actress’s] exposed ribs make her look disgusting. But she’s about to be cast as a mega-hot bombshell in a major action movie.” In other words, being bone thin equates to fame.
Teens today say they feel conflicted by the challenges the world presents. The American dream radically differs from the call of Jesus and the heart of the gospel. They feel pulled in many different directions. The media hooks them with tempting promises: Could you be the America's Next Top Model? Which celebrity are you most like? Friends say, Do this. Parents say, Do that. Teachers say, Do it by tomorrow. Coaches say, Just do it! Celebrities say, Do as I do.
Teens who lack a basic biblical system are more likely to fall prey to the lies and deception. Best selling author Josh McDowell wrote, “Even teens from solid Christian homes and churches have distorted beliefs about God and the Bible that can have a devastating rippling effect into every aspect of their lives.” About 70 percent do not believe the Bible is even accurate.
Sadly, lyrics from songs such as “Rockstar” fuel an insecure teen’s desire to be famous: “I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame, ’Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars.” To many teens, this rock star or celebrity persona is the cure to divert the pain that normal adolescence brings. God did not create us to impersonate or obsess after other flawed human beings. The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose, which is to model to the world a truthful reflection of who Jesus Christ is and what he is like. Every Christian should be shouting, I wanna be like Jesus!
But let’s say your kid genuinely desires a career as a performer and declares, “I’ve got talent! I’m determined be a star.” Instead of berating, laying down the law, or laughing at her or him, get strategic. Dig up some stories on the Internet that back up the fact that a long-term career in the entertainment industry is hard work and requires thick skin to handle ongoing rejection. They need to know the people who succeed must deeply love their craft.
You might say, “The moment you choose to be in the spotlight, you not only give up your right to privacy, you also give up your right to live however you want. You will be held to a higher standard than "regular people." As a celebrity, you must realize you will be a role model to kids of all ages, which means you must choose to set a good, wholesome, godly example. Are you up to that task?”
Your child may truly be talented. God raises up many talented Christian people who eventually gain celebrity status. Relationship and developmental psychology expert, Cooper Lawrence, advices:
• Get other professional opinions beside your own family’s and friends.
• Do your best to help your child develop genuine self-esteem based on substantial personal qualities, skills and talents.
• Make sure your child is represented by a real professional who knows the industry, rather than relying on the untried opinions of the people who love them.
Parents, encourage decision-making, and choose your battles. Even if your teen is making a bad choice, as long as his or her health or safety is not at risk, let him or her follow through, suggest parenting experts, Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay. The kid may struggle in the process but after a while they accomplish what they first set out to do. Look at what I did!”
The bottom line is this: Identifying and learning to be with Jesus, the true Master, is every person’s calling. Jesus came so we “may have life, and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). You don’t have to be a celebrity or “special.” Jesus invites us to partake in the abundant life he offers which is for the ordinary person. He knows we are hungry and want to feel fully alive. As he feeds and nurtures us, and we spend time in his presence, we are able to model and lead our children to the fulfilling life Jesus promised.
This is an excerpt from the book, Torn Between Two Masters: Encouraging Teens to Live Authentically in a Celebrity-Obsessed World.
Do you ever wonder why so many Christians are star-struck by celebrities? Why do so many adolescents want to be sports, music, runway, or Hollywood stars instead of teachers, nurses, pastors, or carpenters? Why is the lure of celebrity so powerful? This pop culture, via the media, has made it quite clear: celebrities matter—and we are star-struck by them.
Today’s young people are targets because they want it all. They want fame because it is a moneymaking business. Money buys stuff—and lots of it. It will be interesting to hear the teens of today tell their children what they had to do without when they were kids! Children as young as five-years-old already want to change something about their bodies. Anorexia is now reported in children as young as four.
There is no doubt adolescents are particularly vulnerable to imitation. One teen said, “I see what people are saying about how [actress’s] exposed ribs make her look disgusting. But she’s about to be cast as a mega-hot bombshell in a major action movie.” In other words, being bone thin equates to fame.
Teens today say they feel conflicted by the challenges the world presents. The American dream radically differs from the call of Jesus and the heart of the gospel. They feel pulled in many different directions. The media hooks them with tempting promises: Could you be the America's Next Top Model? Which celebrity are you most like? Friends say, Do this. Parents say, Do that. Teachers say, Do it by tomorrow. Coaches say, Just do it! Celebrities say, Do as I do.
Teens who lack a basic biblical system are more likely to fall prey to the lies and deception. Best selling author Josh McDowell wrote, “Even teens from solid Christian homes and churches have distorted beliefs about God and the Bible that can have a devastating rippling effect into every aspect of their lives.” About 70 percent do not believe the Bible is even accurate.
Sadly, lyrics from songs such as “Rockstar” fuel an insecure teen’s desire to be famous: “I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame, ’Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars.” To many teens, this rock star or celebrity persona is the cure to divert the pain that normal adolescence brings. God did not create us to impersonate or obsess after other flawed human beings. The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose, which is to model to the world a truthful reflection of who Jesus Christ is and what he is like. Every Christian should be shouting, I wanna be like Jesus!
But let’s say your kid genuinely desires a career as a performer and declares, “I’ve got talent! I’m determined be a star.” Instead of berating, laying down the law, or laughing at her or him, get strategic. Dig up some stories on the Internet that back up the fact that a long-term career in the entertainment industry is hard work and requires thick skin to handle ongoing rejection. They need to know the people who succeed must deeply love their craft.
You might say, “The moment you choose to be in the spotlight, you not only give up your right to privacy, you also give up your right to live however you want. You will be held to a higher standard than "regular people." As a celebrity, you must realize you will be a role model to kids of all ages, which means you must choose to set a good, wholesome, godly example. Are you up to that task?”
Your child may truly be talented. God raises up many talented Christian people who eventually gain celebrity status. Relationship and developmental psychology expert, Cooper Lawrence, advices:
• Get other professional opinions beside your own family’s and friends.
• Do your best to help your child develop genuine self-esteem based on substantial personal qualities, skills and talents.
• Make sure your child is represented by a real professional who knows the industry, rather than relying on the untried opinions of the people who love them.
Parents, encourage decision-making, and choose your battles. Even if your teen is making a bad choice, as long as his or her health or safety is not at risk, let him or her follow through, suggest parenting experts, Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay. The kid may struggle in the process but after a while they accomplish what they first set out to do. Look at what I did!”
The bottom line is this: Identifying and learning to be with Jesus, the true Master, is every person’s calling. Jesus came so we “may have life, and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). You don’t have to be a celebrity or “special.” Jesus invites us to partake in the abundant life he offers which is for the ordinary person. He knows we are hungry and want to feel fully alive. As he feeds and nurtures us, and we spend time in his presence, we are able to model and lead our children to the fulfilling life Jesus promised.
This is an excerpt from the book, Torn Between Two Masters: Encouraging Teens to Live Authentically in a Celebrity-Obsessed World.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Welcome!
Unable to reason with one of the teens, youth worker Jana suggested the parents have their daughter seen by her doctor. Mom called the next morning and said, "Doctor, please talk to and evaluate my 13-year-old girl."
He answered, "She's suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but her prognosis is good for full recovery."
Mom said, "How can you say all that without even meeting her?"
The doctor replied, "Didn't you say she was 13?"
Many physical, emotional, psychological and social changes are simultaneously occurring during adolescence. Some teens become severely depressed. Adolescence is an unsettling time and it is not always easy to come alongside a teen when heor she doesn't want you involved in his or her life.
My goal in this bog is to talk about what parents, youth leaders and mentors need to know to counteract the devastating influence that things like celebrity obsession are having on our youth.
[This material, although reworked, is an excerpt from the book Torn Between Two Masters]
He answered, "She's suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but her prognosis is good for full recovery."
Mom said, "How can you say all that without even meeting her?"
The doctor replied, "Didn't you say she was 13?"
Many physical, emotional, psychological and social changes are simultaneously occurring during adolescence. Some teens become severely depressed. Adolescence is an unsettling time and it is not always easy to come alongside a teen when heor she doesn't want you involved in his or her life.
My goal in this bog is to talk about what parents, youth leaders and mentors need to know to counteract the devastating influence that things like celebrity obsession are having on our youth.
[This material, although reworked, is an excerpt from the book Torn Between Two Masters]
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